In the beginning, everything was dark, there was nothing. There was no light, no matter, no gravity, no beer. Then all of a sudden everything was, everything exploded into anything it could and light and energy and all possibilities were possible for some stupid unknown reason. With anything being a possibility, the Lumberjack was destiny...
The universe was new and beautiful. There was light, energy, and matter that could only have become real through (insert belief here.)
After an amount of time where nothing interesting happened anywhere, humanity finally figured out how to use tools.
Humanity learned how to use tools such as clubs and axes. Cave men fought wars with them neglecting the ever growing infestation of trees. Through cultural and ethnic blending eventually the first Lumberjacks were born. Scared of the Lumberjacks power the cave men fought wars against the Lumberjacks. Here are cave drawings found in former Mesopotamia of the old age Lumberjack..
The Lumberjacks used log boats to sail to Canada where they discovered the New World. Fearful that humanity would never be secure with themselves while around they took to the woods and wouldn't remerge from the forests for thousands of years. Finally capitalism was born. The sheer skill of the Lumberjack made the industry instantly profitable.
After years of innovation and discovery, Timbersports, lumber companies, and many other amazing Lumberjack creations were contributed to humanity.
Today, they live amongst us in peace and harmony. They bring light to civilization by getting trees out of the way. They provide shelter, clothes, beards, and many other commodities to the wider world. Who knows where humanity and the universe will take us? We can at least sleep in peace at night knowing that Lumberjacks and Jills are keeping us safe.
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